Thursday, October 6, 2011
Sad Morning
Yesterday morning I was awakened by a frantic knocking on my front door. It was an acquaintance of mine delivering the horrible news of a good friend's suicide. At 7:45 am on October 5th my friends fiancee found him hanging from a tree in their back yard. I am by no means trying to get sympathy by sharing this story just simply trying to convince myself that it really happened. I've talked to his parents, I have read the obituary, and everyone is still talking about it, but for some reason it just hasn't sunk in with me. I should be crying, I have known this kid for more than a decade, practically grew up with him....but I haven't cried yet. Maybe going to the memorial services on Sunday will help it to seem real, seeing everyone else cry may strike a chord for me. I had no trouble crying right away when my brother passed away, or when my best friend at 13 shot himself, or when another friend of mine died in a car accident, or when a kid my sister grew up with died from a brain aneurysm...so why can't I bring myself to tears about Andrew?
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I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard dealing with death and it sounds like you have had to deal with it a lot in your life. One can't pick and choose when and how they will grieve,that's part of being human. I have cried for one of my patients but not for my friends grandmothers. I couldn't tell you why one and not the other. I knew each equally as well. You may still be in shock and your grieving may come later, even after the funeral. I wish you the best of luck, and you have my greatest sympathy.
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